Jan 08 2009
The wrong way for the right reasons.
Im upset that I went over on my carbs for today.
I have been on such a crappy sleep schedule lately and I really want to start not eating after 7 pm. I really want to get on a normal schedule, start eating breakfast lunch and dinner instead of just random meals at 4 am and 9 pm. I want to exercise in the morning and the evening and I just want to start feeling good about myself again. Its 10 pm right now and I just woke up at 8 pm. Im contemplating staying up until about 8 tomorrow night and then just crashing or taking an over the counter sleeping pill and just going back to bed in an hour or so. Thats probably the one im going to do just because my husband gets to come off base tomorrow night and I dont want to be asleep all night. And sunday is my birthday so I want to be awake for that lol. I just really hate not being healthy. It gets me depressed, I feel like my days are nothing and Im just a waste of space, air and everything else. I dont bring anything into the world and there is nothing I have to be proud of myself for. I hate it. I want to wake up every morning feeling like I have a purpose. Feeling like I have a reason to be awake. I need to stop complaining about it and just DO something about it. So I will. I am going to do my cardio for today though I shouldnt be doing it at night I need to get it done, so im going to do my cardio, take a sleeping pill , set my alarm and go back to sleep. My plan for tomorrow? Wake up at 8 am. Drink a glass of water. Do my strength training. Drink glass of water. Eat breakfast. Drink glass of water. Spend 30 minutes online (AND NO LONGER!) Shower. Blow dry hair and straighten it. (which that can take up to two hours lol)Drink glass of water. Make sure room is clean and all dishes are done. Drink Glass of water. Do cardio. Drink glass of water. Eat lunch. Drink glass of water.Get “pretty” (make up ETC.) Drink Glass of water. Make sure everything is done that needs to be done. Go on computer until Alex gets here. 
Dinner with Alex. & then last but not least, the best kind of exercise 
I guess its time for me to get on that so I will write more later. <333
finding a purpose is everyones goal in life, try to get a hobby, or get involved with the other military wives, or just take one class per semester in college not all the classes are boring they actually have classes on exercising, yoga, swimming. If you know you won’t be in your place long online classes is another alternative just not fun classes really. In my experience a part time job helps but often military people only have one car which makes that challenging. I have so many days when I just can’t get going and I don’t even get dressed until 6 in the evening. I went to a military psychiatrist for help and they told me it was normal to not do anything until the end of the day or at all if I didn’t really have anywhere to be. I think that psychiatrist needed help of her own so I never went back to her. As crazy as it sounds read the book a Purpose driven life, it has helped people I know but I have yet, 2 years later get into it to even read.